Wow! Really?

I’m awful in the kitchen (see below). This is not a plea to have people say, “Oh, you can cook; everybody can if they really try.” Nope, not me. I can’t bake, baste, broil, cook, fry, roast or sautéed. Yesterday, my kids and I attempted to make pretzels from a kit they received for Christmas. No comment on how those turned out. Let’s just say, I bought frozen pretzels today to compensate for the loss. Anyway, today we made a cake. When I say, “we” that basically translates into the kids do nothing but wait impatiently for the mixer “thingy-s” to have enough batter for them to lick off while I do everything else (My Mother in law would kill me if she knew I gave my children batter!) She would say, “You don’t kids batter, it has “UNPASTURIZED” eggs in it! It’s harmful!” I would love to say, “Cake batter didn’t HURT me!” but given all my health issues, I might wanna be quiet. Anyway. What I can’t understand is…how on earth can I make decent cupcakes-but can’t make brownies or a cake (which is the SAME freakin batter) or anything else!
I document my failures. Hoping that one day I’ll be able to produce a picture that even Martha Stewart would say, “Wow!”
These are pictures of my last three attempts…All I can say is Dayum. Oh, and Thank goodness my kids will eat ANYTHING that is covered in icing. This is so sad.