Wow! Really?

I’m awful in the kitchen (see below).  This is not a plea to have people say, “Oh, you can cook; everybody can if they really try.” Nope, not me. I can’t bake, baste, broil, cook, fry, roast or sautéed. Yesterday, my kids and I attempted to make pretzels from a kit they received for Christmas. No comment on how those turned out. Let’s just say, I bought frozen pretzels today to compensate for the loss. Anyway, today we made a cake. When I say, “we” that basically translates into the kids do nothing but wait impatiently for the mixer “thingy-s” to have enough batter for them to lick off while I do everything else (My Mother in law would kill me if she knew I gave my children batter!) She would say, “You don’t kids batter, it has “UNPASTURIZED” eggs in it! It’s harmful!” I would love to say, “Cake batter didn’t HURT me!” but given all my health issues, I might wanna be quiet. Anyway. What I can’t understand is…how on earth can I make decent cupcakes-but can’t make brownies or a cake (which is the SAME freakin batter) or anything else!
I document my failures. Hoping that one day I’ll be able to produce a picture that even Martha Stewart would say, “Wow!”
These are pictures of my last three attempts…All I can say is Dayum. Oh, and Thank goodness my kids will eat ANYTHING that is covered in icing.  This is so sad.

My attempt at brownies.

Notice the uncooked parts.  yeah, it was total liquid on the right.  see that watery crap on the right?  Yeah.  BOOO!!!!

What in the hell is this?  Notice the top breaking away?  Wow.

Today’s cake.  Oh, my dear Lord.  it crumbled, so I tried to piece it together with icing, but then unfortunately ran out of icing…oops.

But look at these beauties…

Ha Ha…It’s a stock photo…Fooled ya….

SUCKAS!

Seriously.  My goal for 2012 is to make a fully intact cake and ice it really pretty.  Sad but true.  Yup!

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4 thoughts on “Wow! Really?

  1. Pingback: Curiously Seeking Beauty to Escape the Dark Chocolate Downs of Chronic Illness | Bottled Time – Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning, and Growing through Chronic Illness and Pain

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