A Plumber’s Burger Booty

I haven’t been on WordPress for a bit….but had to post this….
I won’t name the restaurant
But doesn’t this burger look like a butt?

And I wasn’t even on Ambien

It’s a Plumber’s Burger Booty

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The Fall of Chewing Gum

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Dear Major Chewing Gum Makers,

Oh…Hum-
So…Glum-
No…Yum-
In my Gum

Not EVERYONE likes artificial sweeteners in their gum. I know this for a fact because I really had to pee today while at the grocery store…but I held it (barely, cuz ya’ll know I got Incontinence) because I was listening to a woman who talked to me for 15 minutes about the Fall of Chewing Gum. I totally agreed with her.
It seems like a lot of gum has *stuff* in it. I looked at about 20 packs today and saw ingredients that my body just doesn’t like 😦 Sometimes, you don’t have to change things. Just keep Big Red…Big Red! Oh, and trust me, I don’t need another new flavor. Pink flavor is good enough for me even if it only lasts for 6 seconds. If I want to taste deep dish apple pie a la mode….I would eat a piece of deep dish apple pie a la mode. Just give me a choice between real sugar and fake sugar…that’s all. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Me & the random lady in the grocery store

Why do I keep making these dayum movies?

Because…
And I’m gonna tell you…

When I got sick back in 2008 (see my About Me page :))  I thought I could manage it.  I truly did.  I shrugged it off, No big deal.  I would continue to eat.  Run.  Be normal.  Then…
I couldn’t deal with things.
A glass of wine became two…then three…
Silence was a day…then a week
Fullness needed cutting

I needed help. I needed to talk. I needed to let it all out…and I did. I humbled myself. I let myself heal. Today, I take one day at time….Today, I write. Today, I laugh…Today, I am back to…ME 🙂

So, today, instead of a drink or quietness or a cut…I make funny Buddy movies…and, that’s pretty okay by me 🙂 Please check out Buddy’s Page
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UClgeBR0gdA4H4cCWS4Vn0kQ?feature=mhee

And now…enjoy (cuz I do :))the next Buddy installment… (hopefully fix, and I made all this fuss)

The Meeting

No, to Mopping. Yes, to Pee :)

I hate mopping.
I rather wipe crusty yellow pee from the inside of a toilet rim than to mop the kitchen floor.
Yup.
So…
As an incentive…to mop
I promised my 2 kids
$20 A PIECE!
If they wake up tomorrow morning
And the floor is NOT cleaned.

Hello-
24 hour ATM!
Cuz…it ain’t gonna happen

Goodnight 🙂

Jughead & I

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I love comic books.   When I was a kid (a long time ago),  a great weekend meant…a quiet room, a bologna sandwich on white Wonder Bread and a comic book.   I’m going to admit a couple of things to you.   I had a crush on dopey black-haired Jughead, I wanted to be friends with Richie Rich, and I thought Lil Lulu was kinda cool…oh, and I definitely wanted powers like the Invisible Woman.  Unfortunately, Jughead never called, Richie played with his cousin Reggie and Lulu only wanted to hang out with Tubby.   However, and (oddly enough), I DID become the Invisible Woman!   Imagine that…out of all the characters that filled my weekends…I got to be the ONE with superpowers!   Wow, not too shabby, huh?   I mean the power of invisibility, come on, that’s pretty darn cool, right?  After all, with THAT power, I could sneak up on ANYBODY even the President of the United States, although I don’t know how much fun that would be, seriously.   But, don’t be jealous though, because I’m only invisible when it comes to my chronic illness.

I appear to be happy and healthy.
So no one sees me.
I don’t show any signs of illness unless you see the small bump that my medi-port makes under my skin.
I look too well.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the days when life was simple…and I was visible.
Digestive disorders are often undiagnosed and can’t be seen.
Trust me; we that have invisible illnesses don’t want to be super heroes.
Seriously, we don’t want to sneak up on people.
Or spy on the President
Or even save the world
Sometimes, we just want to be ourselves…
And just be seen
And, you know something?
The more I think about that…that’s pretty-

Darn powerful enough.

 

Two thoughts: Graham Crackers & Underoos

I love Graham Crackers with a big ole layer of “I can’t believe it’s not butter” spread on it-

Graham crackers are good
But always at the bottom
Of the cookie aisle

They get no respect unless they hang out with a marshmallow or chocolate


Underoos are dangerous.
I had a pair of Wonder Woman Underoos when I was younger and thought I was damn near invincible, I would jump off chairs, the bed, the tub.
Thank goodness, I had enough sense to keep the second story window closed.
I know Underoos are dangerous.
But, I really think I can handle them now.

I think.

 

I wanna buy a Lazy Boy…Sure you do *wink wink*

When I saw this particular billboard on a recent trip, I immediately wanted to go out and buy a piece of furniture. Seriously, I did… because I always think of a rustic 5 piece dining room set when I see a pretty young blond woman with a pouty smile.

Ps…if this happens to be your billboard, kudos to you for great advertising and no disrespect. Oh, curious…do you guys sells chests? Get it? 🙂

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