The Fall of Chewing Gum

stick_of_chewing_gum-190x190
Dear Major Chewing Gum Makers,

Oh…Hum-
So…Glum-
No…Yum-
In my Gum

Not EVERYONE likes artificial sweeteners in their gum. I know this for a fact because I really had to pee today while at the grocery storeā€¦but I held it (barely, cuz ya’ll know I got Incontinence) because I was listening to a woman who talked to me for 15 minutes about the Fall of Chewing Gum. I totally agreed with her.
It seems like a lot of gum has *stuff* in it. I looked at about 20 packs today and saw ingredients that my body just doesn’t like šŸ˜¦ Sometimes, you don’t have to change things. Just keep Big Red…Big Red! Oh, and trust me, I don’t need another new flavor. Pink flavor is good enough for me even if it only lasts for 6 seconds. If I want to taste deep dish apple pie a la modeā€¦.I would eat a piece of deep dish apple pie a la mode. Just give me a choice between real sugar and fake sugarā€¦that’s all. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Me & the random lady in the grocery store

The Picker

I looked at her
She looked back at me
Her eyes
Like a sharp knife
Wanting to slice me
Wow
She wanted to cut me
Deep
So Deep
So that I would peer down
At my bleeding & gaping flesh
And gasp-
To look away
From her…
But I didn’t
I stared you down
Like a dirty cowboy
With my boots in the dust
And tumbleweeds blowing in the wind
I saw you
Little girl
Pick your nose
And then eat your booger

Ew….

Two thoughts: Graham Crackers & Underoos

I love Graham Crackers with a big ole layer of “I can’t believe it’s not butter” spread on it-

Graham crackers are good
But always at the bottom
Of the cookie aisle

They get no respect unless they hang out with a marshmallow or chocolate


Underoos are dangerous.
I had a pair of Wonder Woman Underoos when I was younger and thought I was damn near invincible, I would jump off chairs, the bed, the tub.
Thank goodness, I had enough sense to keep the second story window closed.
I know Underoos are dangerous.
But, I really think I can handle them now.

I think.

 

Bust Da Bubble

Little cute creatures
Stuck in a bubble cocoon
I need to save them

Bubble Mania (which is a free game on my iphone & ipad) should be renamed Bubble Maniac because that’s what I feel like, a total maniac! I haven’t been this obsessed over a game since CafeWorld. That was a rough couple of weeks months for me. I don’t know what was worse…creating fake Facebook friends so that I could have “neighbors” or the fact that I would actually set my alarm clock for 3 AM, so my fake food dishes wouldn’t burn in the oven. So sad. Anyway, this is totally different because I know deep down that those poor lil cute innocent trapped things NEED my help.

They…Just…Do…

Boo-yah!…three stars on level 26…in yo face!
Omg, this is so sad…

20121114-163130.jpg

The Flipper Fairy came today!

Yay! I got my new toofer (not a typo…it just sounds cute)

I got my new “clipper”
My brand new Flipper
The cost of a coffin
I wish it was a dolphin

I had to ask where the Polident cleaner was…because I have to soak my new teeth every night

I should have know it would be next to the Incontinence products…been there, done that

It’s cool though

But if somebody calls me Ma’am tonight…it won’t be pretty šŸ˜¦