Swat Me…Please….

(*This blog is to my future self*)

Dear Kat,

You just saw a big @ss fly swatter in a store. If you EVER see a fly swatter that is as big as a flip-flop, please don’t stand there and try to swat that thang. It will be a mutant fly. It will kill you. No, wait, it will vomit on you first AND then eat you. Do not be interested and peer at it. Do not be like the curious “I’m the first person to die in a horror movie” but, I MUST go closer and say, “Hello, is there anyone there?” Believe me, sweetie…they are right behind you…and because of your stupidity…you really DO deserve to die, first. Really?

So Kat, please just leave. Don’t worry about the Citronella candles. They don’t work. Just leave…okay?



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