Yesterday, at Walmart, I stood in the toothpaste aisle contemplating which one to buy for exactly 23 minutes. I know it was for 23 minutes because I wasthisclose to not being on time to pick up my kids from school. Pretty sad. I don’t even stand in the cereal aisle that long and there are tons of boxes with really cool characters on them. When I was young, I used Close-Up because it reminded me of lip gloss. I would pucker my lips and smear a big glob on my lips then try to pose like a model. After about 2 minutes, my lips would start to tingle and burn and I would wash it off and go to bed. Come to think of it, I never actually BRUSHED my teeth with the Close-Up, which is probably why my former dentist has a summer-house in Florida paid by…Moi. Cavities and Root Canals ain’t cheap ya’ll. Oh well. Anyway, now that I have children (and realize that prevention IS the key) I’m very diligent about visiting the dentist regularly and being proactive (nag ) the kids about their teeth brushing which they’re supposed to do for a whole 2 minutes! Of course, this never happens unless I’m standing in the doorway. They even have singing Lion King toothbrushes that tell them how long to brush. Unfortunately, I have yet to hear Simba sing “Hakuna Matata” in its entirety. Who cuts short one of the best songs ever? My kids! Anyway, what I don’t understand is that we can send people to the moon but can’t develop a toothpaste that actually TASTES good? Why can’t they make a vanilla cupcake or strawberry pie with whipped cream flavored toothpaste so people would actually look forward to brushing ? I mean if we can make a tortilla chip that taste like Cheese, Ranch or Late Night Drive Thru Tacos, why does *Sparkling Mint* have to taste like crap?