What’s That’s Smell? Damn, Freddy!

I know it’s a recession, but dang, when I’m on a flight…Can I at least get some damn peanuts to go with my “complimentary drink?” (Although everyone knows it ain’t really complimentary…you know you were charged…in da “fees”). I was on a flight Thursday and got a flat ginger ale (Thank goodness it was flat…because I can’t have carbonation) and a mint. One mint. One damn little mint. Yup. Anyway. I love looking at SkyMall Magazine during a flight. The airlines are smart. They put it in the pocket because it passes the time and also because if you happen to hit turbulence, you will be so enthralled with all the weird crap in it, you won’t notice that your seat is totally shaking…nope, not at all. To be honest, if I had all the money in the world…I WOULD totally buy and own most of the stuff SkyMall has to offer…even the tacky stufff…except THESE items because well, they totally suck…

Be prepared to play alone if you plan to purchase this thing because no one will ever play with you again…EVER! Why should they? These scream…“Go ahead without me, I’ll be in the woods looking for my ball…again.” Also, you must really suck at golf if you’re hitting your ball in the rough that much that you have to get these glasses. Save your money and your time. Pick another sport, sweetie.

Who would spend money on this The MARSHMALLOW SHOOTER? If I really wanted to throw a marshmallow at you, I would use my hand. It says it will launch mini marshmallows over 30’. Marshmallows are soft, they will not hurt you…maybe this should shoot Skittles. Ouch!

What in the hell? I can’t remember what this item’s name was, but it you buy this…you are a tool. You will look like an idiot. Seriously. It does have SIX cup holders, though.

Like I need a product that will help my daughter talk on her cell phone. How about a product that DETERS them from using them? How about a product that will DETER her from going over MY minutes? Yeah, this ain’t coming into my home. Nope.

Okay, why would anyone want to hang this on their Christmas Tree? It looks gross. I wouldn’t be surprised if some mutant alien baby popped out of it on Christmas day.

Picture the scene. A holiday get together at the house. Everyone is mingling in the living room. A few people are over near the “plant. ” Hmm, Do you smell that? Yeah, it smells like sh*t. I know, but WHO did it? It was probably Fred, he was eating all that bean dip and you know he has IBS. Oh yeah, he does have IBS but damn.  Poor poopy smelly Freddy. Too bad it wasn’t him but that damn cat.

This scarf can be used 6 different ways. Look closely. One of them might land you in jail. Hey, gimme all your money…NOW! Not smart.

Why would I pay over a hundred dollars to have what my son can do outside for free? Pee pee is free.

I bet this item doesn’t sell well in Florida.

Can you imagine having afternoon tea with table? Seriously, every time you put you down your tea, you gotta look at this ass. You will want to look away but you won’t be able to…it’s just so…there. You’re an ass if you buy this ass. Period.

Doesn’t this doggy look happy? Aww. You can buy this doggy bed in the catalog. If you buy this doggy bed you LOVE your doggy.

Does this doggy look happy? Hell no, because he’s in a CABINET! You can buy this doggy bed in the catalog too.  However, if you put your doggy where your old records should be, you dislike your doggy…a lot.

Help Me!

One thought on “What’s That’s Smell? Damn, Freddy!

  1. ***hangs head in shame*** At recent craft show I bought a marshmallow shooter for $5 so I could shot the cat with cat treats. It’s a blow-dart type shooter and it works great….unless you are my son and you take a vigorous breath to blow but inhale the cat treat by accident (omg…I still giggle about this)

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