Yoga is for People who like to Fart!

So tomorrow, I start yoga. I’m super excited! Omg, I just said “super excited”…please shoot me! Anyway, I’ve done yoga a total of three times in my entire life. Once…was in an actual class with real live sweaty people moaning and groaning and saying. “Ahhh” and the other two times were in front of the Wii Fit Plus avatar trainers…while I ate a can of original Pringles.  I was studying the moves, ok? Anyway, since I didn’t want to appear to be a yoga novice in class, I researched some popular yoga poses.  I felt pretty confident, that I COULD do all the poses…until I saw the Pavana-mukta-asana pose. Oh snap! The Pavana-mukta-asana pose…is the… get this…the WIND-BREAKING-POSE. Oh, my dear Lord! You see, Colon Inertia can affect people in many different ways.  For me, not only do I get impacted with crap, but I also get impacted with air…or gas…also known as…deadly poofs of lethal air.  I admit it, and I ain’t embarrassed…I got killer farts!  Really. In fact, I could make a frat boy hang his head in shame.  Yup. But, you have to realize that with ALL of my medical issues I deal with, my body simply doesn’t act like a normal body…and when I finally do poot…I poot week old air…air that has been trapped for weeks…and dude, it ain’t pretty.  I pride myself on being a lady, but illness has made me bold.  Bold enough to tell my story. Awareness trumps Embarrassment.  So tomorrow, I’m taking the chance.  Yup, gonna do a class and really hope I don’t offend. But if I do, I will excuse myself…and tell my story…because people need to know…because Knowledge is Everything…and smelly gas…is nothing…but air.

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