Did you like my Haiku? Look below people…it’s genius…ok, maybe not…but when you are stuck on the potty for hours at a time…you get a little sentimental about ya booty. So, today I got an email asking me, “What exactly is Colon Inertia? or Colonic Inertia?” Since some doctors use both names, I will simply use the abbreviation C.I. (sounds cool, right?) Anyway, clinically speaking…it means that you have a lazy colon, or slow motility throughout your intestines. Visually speaking, it’s like having a tube of Crest Toothpaste going through a green water hose INSTEAD of fast flowing water. Physically speaking, it means that you poop like twice a month. Mentally speaking, it means you will sit on the throne for hours and write a Haiku. C.I. is not your “Every once in a while, I can take some Activia Yogurt so I can get regulated and have a nice BM” kind of thing. It means your colon is being a DoodyHead and simply doesn’t want to contract like it used too, thus keeping all the “stuff” in there…to clog up the pipes…which can lead to bloating, fullness, malnutrition and a lot of times dehydration. Unfortunately, this is one job Drano can’t fix. And because not every person experiences the same severity, there is not a one fix for all. You simply have to start from the beginning…trying and finding medications or treatments that can help you. In my case, a colonic pacemaker is my last “try” before surgery…I am hoping that it works, however,if surgery is what will keep me moving in the right direction to a better life, I will at least know I did all I could do to help myself…and that will make me sleep a little bit better.