Time Sucks!

Today I made a decision. About my health…and I feel pretty good about it. Currently, I’m waiting for an FDA study for a pacemaker that would hopefully stimulate my colon and help me lead a more “normal” life. Unfortunately, it’s a waiting game. I’m waiting for the Clinic and they’re waiting for funding. When you are dealing with a chronic illness, you get into a routine. Your illness may not be in control BUT a routine sometimes give you a FEEL of control. You learn to manage. Others don’t understand your logic, but YOU do…and that’s all that matters. So, when you’re so enmeshed into what you do, when you do it, and how you do it…when something feels “funny” you know it. I’ve been pretty consistent. I know what I can eat. I know what I can’t. I know when to take my medicine…I know when it’s going to be a bad night…and I know my weight. See…when you don’t poo…you really don’t get wrapped up in the number, like you do when you’re trying to diet. If I don’t go for 2 weeks and my scale is up, I don’t panic, because I know I’m full of “stuff”…but I do notice a loss of 5 pounds in a week when nothing has changed in my diet and my pants are too loose. I do notice that my knees and bones hurt and ache…and that I can’t walk up one flight of stairs without breathing hard. I went to my doctor today and she hugged me. Then she poked and prodded me. I left with 2 band-aids and felt extremely tired. I realized on the drive home, that although I am excited about the study…I simply can’t wait for the study…because I don’t know if my body WILL wait for the study…and that is a very humbling moment. So, I looked for something that may help me while I am waiting. I found that the Mayo Clinic is working on a drug that may help chronic constipation. Will that make me better? I don’t know, but I’m willing to try…anything. So, I filled out my information and I really hope I get an appointment. Wish me luck. Because Time Waits for No Man.

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