Oh, My Gosh…La Choy on a Ritz Cracker

Mother Nature is a bad Beeyotch…and I’m not talking about when she does her Hurricane and Tornado stuff.  I am talking about the true essence of Mother Nature.  Boys, turn away if you think the only period…comes at the end of a sentence.  I am talking about a PERIOD!  Yup. The one thing that can make a woman shout…”Please, let me BE a man for JUST this Week!!!”  Oh, my…The Cramps!  The Agony!  Pads that cost $14 dollars!   Seriously…Eve did ya HAVE to bite the apple?  Anyway.  These are the worst days for me because I am in turmoil.  Have you ever wanted…pork rinds…Bob Evan’s sausage (crispy around the edges but not burnt in the middle) and Banana Now & Laters…all at once?  Um me…My hand is up!  Obviously, since I pretty much have no digestive tract, the treats above are not really in the realm of what I can eat…HOWEVER, like Lady Gaga and her questionable outfits…I will push the envelope this week.  I will eat…and I will kick myself.  Will I get sick?  Heck yeah!  Will I be so bloated that if you put me in water, I would float…yup yup!  Will I look in the mirror and say never again?!  You betcha…and yet, come next month…at this very time…I will be sitting in the bed sick, my mouth coated with Hershey Chocolate….my body swollen with undigested sodium and forbidden carbs…saying…I swear…I won’t give in to my temptations next time…but… I will be lying…cause like I said…Mother Nature is a bad Beeyotch.

*Did you know La Choy Chicken Chow Mein tastes good on a Ritz Cracker…just sayin…it really does…not that I know…*wink wink*

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