Chew. Spit. No Swallow.


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Today I ate a warm glazed doughnut and it was pure heavenly bliss.  Well, technically I didn’t really get to eat it, but I did enjoy the savory sweet taste on my tongue for a moment.  Chew. Spit.  No Swallow.  This is what I do.  Is it gross?  Maybe.  But for me, it’s a way of life.  I miss doughnuts.  I really do.  When I was growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money and doughnuts were always considered a special treat. My mom would get “day old” doughnuts from the grocery store and we would microwave them…to make them soft.  I never complained.  I was happy.  When I was 36 years old, I visited a Krispy Kreme store one afternoon and took a tour.  I felt like a kid again.  I spent a whole afternoon at that doughnut store…watching those little beautiful brown glazed beauties through the glass.  They were beautiful.  They were perfect. They were delicious. That was the last day I enjoyed a doughnut.  Until today.
I have sacrificed a lot for my illness. The joy of running on a clear crisp morning. Going out to lunch with friends.  Champagne at midnight on New Year’s Eve.  Sleep.  But I won’t give up doughnuts. Not ever. There are too many memories linked to them and I refuse to let my illness take another thing away from me.  Today with that doughnut, it felt like old times.
Chew. Spit. No Swallow. Gross?  Who cares.  I didn’t complain.  I was happy.  I was a kid again…at least for today.


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