damn, I woke up hungry

Today was gonna be one of those days…I knew IT…I felt IT…the moment I sat up, groggily, my eyes trying to adjust to the bright sunlight filtering into my bedroom. I have dealt with days like this before, they suck…and I knew I would have to do everything in my power to be prepared…at no time could my guard be down…my head needed to be clear and focused…I needed to be two steps in front of the enemy at all times…no slacking…at all…because if I do…I will fail…I will lose…IT will mock me…IT will win…and what I mean by IT…is HUNGER.

I woke up hungry.
Damn
I woke up hungry.
A nice Krispy Kreme would be nice
Damn
I woke up hungry.
2 pieces of toast…a side of crisp bacon…eggs scrambled hard…oh, and please add a little cheese on top

I have never appreciated food like I do now…simply because now I can’t have it. You always miss and want…what you can’t have…You kick yourself and say, why didn’t I acknowledge how wonderful and grateful I was when I HAD…fill in the blank…it doesn’t have to be food…it can be a job…a spouse…time. But we never want to think that things WON’T be there…even though we never know what the future holds. I bet…If I traveled back in time and told my 2008 self…You better enjoy what You can…every morsel…every crumb…every drop…because beeyotch, the party is over. I would have probably looked at myself, scoffed…and said, I seriously doubt that…because that’s never gonna happen to ME.

I woke up hungry.
I want a chef salad for lunch with blue cheese on the side
I woke up hungry.
A grilled cheese sandwich would be nice…fries too…oh, and don’t forget the ketchup
Damn

So I prepare myself for battle…remembering always to be one step ahead of the HUNGER…cups of hot Lipton tea…help my brain to relax and be more focused…cups of hot Lipton tea…make me feel full…and allow me to ignore the raspy WHISPERS coming from the kitchen…they want me to come in…Just take a peek, The WHISPERS will say. Open the cabinet, The WHISPERS will say. Open the freezer door. The WHISPERS will say. Take a bite…one little bite…

I woke up hungry.
Damn
I woke up hungry.
Get more tea, pronto

I drink
I relax
I suddenly smile

I smile…because the day is almost over…dinner time is over…the kitchen is now CLOSED…and quiet
I smile…because I am in control…because I was ahead of you all day …because I was smart enough to prepare…
I smile…because today didn’t break me…because it’s another day of no bloating or cramps…or vomiting or crying

I woke up hungry.
Damn
I woke up hungry.
But I won…at least for today

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